This is part of a series where I share the stories in the Bible that made me laugh. The translation of the Bible that I am using is the NRSV. I substitute "The Lord" with the original YHWH as a personal choice.
The scene starts in Exodus 17, verse 8 through 13. The Israelites had successfully fled from the Pharaoh and were now wandering the desert before they arrived at Mount Sinai. While in the desert they are challenged by the Amalekites. Here is the text verbatim.
8 Then Amalek came and fought with Israel at Rephidim. 9 Moses said to Joshua, “Choose some men for us and go out, fight with Amalek. Tomorrow I will stand on the top of the hill with the staff of God in my hand.”
So the Amalekites are attacking the Israelites. Moses, the leader of the people, asks Joshua to put together an army and fight back. However, for some reason, Moses must go climb a hill, but I guess he thinks it can wait until tomorrow....
10 So Joshua did as Moses told him, and fought with Amalek, while Moses, Aaron, and Hur went up to the top of the hill. 11 Whenever Moses held up his hand, Israel prevailed; and whenever he lowered his hand, Amalek prevailed.
This is the first point of hilarity. So what is deciding the outcome of this battle? Is it the skill and fortitude of the soldiers? No. Is it the battle strategy employed? No. Is it superior weaponry? Nope. How about which people are the most righteous under God? No again. The entire outcome of the battle depends on one thing: Moses's hand height. If he raises his hands, Israel is winning, and if he lowers them then the Amalekites are winning. Moses clearly figured this out the hard way since he knows what happens when he lowers his hands.
You have to wonder how he realized the connection. I personally imagine a scene like in Fantasia where Mickey Mouse slowly figures out the powers of the wand by waving it around. I wonder if Moses ever tried holding his hands at head height. Would the battle be tied then? Was the tipping point his shoulders or the top of his head? And does it matter if Moses holds them up himself? Well, we find out the answer to the last question funnily enough...
12 But Moses’ hands grew weary; so they took a stone and put it under him, and he sat on it. Aaron and Hur held up his hands, one on one side, and the other on the other side; so his hands were steady until the sun set. 13 And Joshua defeated Amalek and his people with the sword.
Now THIS is hilarious. Moses just isn't physically fit enough to be able to use his powers so his friends have to give him something to sit on, and eventually are forced to hold his hands up for him! It clearly doesn't matter if Moses is even aware what's happening. As long as somehow his hands higher than his head it just works. Personally, I would recommend Moses start an endurance training regimen so that his people don't die on the battlefield in the future!